R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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