Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
