apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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