Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
