I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
