please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
