That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
