do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
