My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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