I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
