of course. lets lasso hookers.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
