Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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