We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
