He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
