I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
