3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
