I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
