I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
