There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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