You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
