shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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