Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Are we still banned from the library?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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