it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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