IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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