just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
