i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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