We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
