some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
