I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
