why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
