I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
