Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
