i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize