Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
