At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
