There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
