NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
