One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
