The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
