Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
