Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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