Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
