Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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