he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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