Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
