I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
