Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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