I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
