The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
