You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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