we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
