Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
