I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the raccoons are back...
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