My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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