I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
