We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
