Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
