Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
