I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
