Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
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I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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