i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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