my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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