That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
