i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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