When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
