I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
