i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
