using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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